ASSIGNMENTS:
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Linda Oatman High
Narvon, Pennsylvania USA
Email Linda
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REPORTS:
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When I die, I'd like my dead body to be displayed beautifully in a pink satin-lined casket. This should be for only my family and very closest friends to see. I should be dressed in something sexy, maybe a little black dress, or something hippie-like and gauzy. I should have an ankle bracelet and earrings and a necklace. The jewelry should be cool jewelry, silver, and nothing old-lady like. The dress can be low enough to show off my cleavage, and of course I should have a bra. Underpants don't matter. A little bit of lipstick, and NO TEASED OR FLUFFED HAIR!! Long and straight and shiny, please. I don't want to look like a 1980s corpse. Try to make my lips smile, so I look like it's happy in the afterlife. Don't forget the blush. Eyeliner, black. Gray eyeshadow. A spritz of perfume, because dead flesh tends to stink. In the casket with me, I'd like all of the books that I wrote. (I'm an author of books for children and teens. I've published 17, so far. My website: www.lindaoatmanhigh.com) I'd also like the CDs of songs that I wrote, along with CDs of songs that I loved. I'd also like a few books written by other people. Books that I've loved, like Anne Tyler's "Breathing Lessons." This will be an ironic statement, as I will no longer be breathing. The CDs should include Harry Chapin, who I'll be meeting in the afterlife. Also in the casket should be some of my favorite chocolate. I'd also like photographs of my children and grandchildren. These can be clutched in my hand, or placed over my heart. I'd also like my 1969 red Epiphone guitar. No, forget that. Leave that on earth for my son Zach. He's a musician, like me. Instead of a guitar, just give me a couple of picks. That'll symbolize my guitars. Maybe I could have a manicure and pedicure, because I never had time for them while I was living. Maybe I could be barefoot, to show off the pedicure. If I'm wearing shoes, they should be Chuck Taylor sneakers, black and white, with a pair of black and red striped pirate socks. No pocketbook. I always left that places, and there's no need for keys or money in the afterlife. As my family and friends are "viewing" the body, there should be great music. No dorky funeral-home tunes. Eric Clapton's "Tears in Heaven" and "Knocking on Heaven's Door" and "Dead Flowers" by the Rolling Stones. Speaking of flowers, there should be some. Not a lot, but some daisies and violets and maybe a rose or two. In the room should be displays of photos from my life. I also would like butterflies flitting around the room. Just put it on the credit card, kids. I'm dead, so I don't have to worry about paying it off. Butterflies and balloons and maybe even some Silly String. Give glow sticks to any little kids. If it's nighttime, take them outside to look at fireflies and to see the moon and the stars. Don't let them stare too long at my dead body. Give them fairy dust and tell them to sprinkle me with the glitter. They can also throw it around the room. Adults should do so, too. Everybody can cry a little bit, and talk about how wonderful I was and how much they loved me and how much they'll miss me and how they wish they were dead, too. But after a while, they should put an end to that, and laugh. They should laugh and dance and tell funny stories about my life. They can talk about how I thought it was humorous to wear toilet seat covers around my neck, and they can all walk around with toilet seat covers. If anyone feels brave enough to touch the dead body, they should kiss it and hug it and pat it. They should place their heads upon its chest, where the heart used to beat, and know that they were loved. They should close the lid on the casket eventually, and cry a little bit more. They should have a Celebration of Linda's Life with all of the people who weren't allowed to view the dead body. There should be good music and poetry and speeches at the Celebration. After the Celebration, the body should go into the ground, but not in view of the people. Being put into the dirt is private. The people should go somewhere bright and eat good food. Not funeral food. No mac and cheese or cold cuts. Expensive, classy, catered food, displayed nicely. If it's autumn, there can be pumpkins and the people can talk about how I loved Halloween. The people should eat as much as they want, while they still can, and think of me.
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