Learning To Love You More




Assignment #70
Say goodbye.

Hopland, California USA



goodbye to the beginning.
goodbye foot in the door to that impossible world of the greener grass, the other side;
and goodbye everything I think I know about myself and the contained questions ripe with self-doubt.
goodbye everything I think I know about love and you and the fear of not being confident in not knowing;
and goodbye to feeling like knowing is happiness and that happiness is more about vastness, than depth.
goodbye crippling concern for the future that is, moment-to-moment, unwritten;
and goodbye to the doubt that all that I am is all that I will ever need to be - right here, right now.
goodbye fear of being a child, of running wildly through the house devising the best hide-and-seek spots "just in case;"
and goodbye to being the growing-up necessitated by the club that is grown-up and has lost sound in the ringing bell.
goodbye water under the bridge that is so constant, so heavy, but never to blame;
and goodbye to the tiredness in my arms from trying to hold too much, rather than letting filter through fingers dappled with sun,
goodbye to this cage, this walled garden of walls met my walls met by walls...;
and goodbye to the guilt and fear that mortared the bricks and welded the bars protecting a garden starved for affection.
goodbye all that is trivial and shrinks back from the sweaty,exhausted collapse after a day fully lived through the little things;
and goodbye to the uncertainty that love is good and loving you is better.
goodbye to the end.