Learning To Love You More




Assignment #70
Say goodbye.

Lynette Bergeson
Sandpoint, Idaho USA



I Will Miss You, Tobacco
Hello, my friend. I brought you out of your hiding place in my sock drawer to tell you that we can't see each other anymore.
I'm really sorry.
I know, it hurts.
Please know that it's not you.
It's me.
I have loved you most of my life, but if we stay together, I will end up in serious trouble. This relationship is making me sick and I am afraid things will get much worse if we continue spending any time together.
I know, I know, we had some fun together....but it's time to change and it's time for me to let you go.
I am really going to miss you, though. I will miss skipping school with you and going over to Laura's to smoke and listen to Elton John records in 6th grade.
I will miss making excuses at family holidays to take the dog or the garbage out, then sneaking away with you to run down the block and light up.
Do you remember how you use to cost 50 cents a pack, and how the store by the Sellwood Bridge would sell them to me when I was 13...no questions asked? Those were good times.
Mostly what I will miss is how resilient I was to your abusive nature.
But these days, my lungs just ache if I get anywhere near you.
Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. Just being honest.
What's that? Maybe we can get together on rare occasions? Well, remember how we tried that 5 years ago when I got divorced, and one time just led to another, then another, until we saw each other every couple of hours? While your offer is tempting - and I am flattered that you still want me to want you - but I have to think of my family and my health. It would be a farce if they were to lose me to you. They'd not only be hurt but angry and disgusted. I know I am just thinking about it.
What's that? I won't miss you? Well, I will, but what I won't miss is how you call to me all the time, and how much work and meditation I go through to ignore you. I also won't miss how often I have to cover up any sign of us being together, so I won't get caught by anyone who thinks I don't smoke. I won't miss spending money on you. Don't you have any of your own?
I'm sorry to be mean, but it's all true.
Now don't go feeling so bad. I know you want to be wanted, need to be needed and all. It's hard, I know. But I have an idea...
I know lots of people down at the local tavern who would love to be your friends! I'll hook you up with them next time we are in town.
What's that? You're feeling better already? Good, good. I only want you to be happy and on your own.
So, I guess this is goodbye. Good luck, and please don't try and trick me by showing up under the seat of my car or in the thread box by my sewing machine.
Love, Lyn