Learning To Love You More




Assignment #52
Write the phone call you wish you could have.

Tucson, Arizona USA



Me: Hello?
Jason: Hello, Jennifer
Me: silence.....
Jason: Do you know who this is?
Me: ...of course I do.
Jason: silence...
Me: Wow, every time I hear your voice, it's like someone is pulsing an electric charge through my body.
Jason: silence...
Me: How are you? Where are you?
Jason: I miss you.
Me: Oh, God, Jason. Don't do that. I haven't spoken to you in four years. Don't say that.
Jason: Why? I always miss you. Every day I think of you, Jennifer. Every day.
Me: Why do you do this to me? Why does just the thought of you make me want to scream? Why have I always loved you so much?
Jason: silence...
Me: Are you in town?
Jason: Yes. Can I see you?
Me: I'm not sure I can handle that.
Jason: How about tonight?
Me: Uuuuh! You know I could never say no to you.
Jason: Are you happy?
Me: Yes, I'm happy. I love my life, I love my husband... Are you happy?
Jason: ...silence
Me: What is it about us? What force in the world decided that we should be linked together in this inextricable way? That forces us to feel this pull to each other, even though we both know that the tension is so much that we could never be together?
Jason: Why are you asking me that?
Me: Because, Jason. Because you call me out of the blue and my whole world gets turned upside down. Because I know one day I'll be 80 and you'll call me and I'll still feel this way and I don't understand it.
Jason: Maybe we're not meant to understand it.
Me: But why do you just disappear for years without any contact, any explanation?
Jason: I don't know. I just do.
Me: ...silence
Jason: So tonight, then?
Me: Of course.
Jason: Where? When?
Me: Where else? Around 7?
Jason: I'll see you then. I love you.
Me: I love you too, Jason. Jason, if you're out there, call me...