Learning To Love You More




Assignment #52
Write the phone call you wish you could have.

Marblehead, Massachusetts USA



Me: Hello?...
Him: Hey! How's it going?
Me: Why are you calling this number?
Him: I just thought we could talk...we haven't in a little bit
Me: A little bit? Try 4 months. Plus, I don't really have much to say to you anyway.
Him: Look, I know things have been kinda weird since we stopped dating but did you have to shut me out completely?
Me: I had to.
Him: You had to? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?
Me: I had to get over you, and I don't think being around you would've help me do that.
Him: Okay...I get that, but then why do you hate me? Its not like I ever did anything to you.
Me: Are you serious? Maybe you didn't intentionally, but you certainly did enough for me to resent you.
Him: Look, you're the one who broke up with me so don't act like you're the one who should be so broken up.
Me: Do you even know why I broke up with up?
Him: Well, no, but -
Me: - Exactly! maybe instead of being mad that I don't want to speak to you, maybe you should at least know why. I broke up with you because I heard from three different people you wanted to break up with me. Not only that, but one of them told me that you told ALL of your friends. And for a whole fucking month I drove myself insane thinking there was something wrong with me because you were avoiding me.
Him: Look, I know it seems like that but --
Me: NO! It was like that! The last time we spent time together, I should've known you were going to let me down. Admit it, you called me over that day just so you could get a piece of ass! I said I love you when I Ieft that night, and all you said was goodnight! You said you loved me all those other times but when I finally give into what you want, that's it? Ignore me for a month and chicken out on actually breaking up with me?
Him: I was scared okay! I knew you'd take it hard, and I didn't want to upset you.
Me: Upset me!? You used me then tossed me to the side, I would've rather you'd just broken up with me!
Him: I never meant to hurt you. That's the last thing I ever wanted to happen.
Me: But you let it happen! And don't you dare act like it's my fault we haven't been talking, all you did when I said it was over was say, "Cool." and give me a good damn high five. So don't act so sorry, okay!
Him: When I said I loved you those first few times I think I really meant it.
Me: Then what the hell happened? Did you just decided to stop meaning it? Anyways, if you "think" you did, then you didn't really mean it. However, I'm not like you. I meant it. I really loved you. You are the only person who I ever loved.
Him: So if you loved me so much, why can't we just be friends?
Me: I can't trust you. Not after that happened. And especially since I found out you told Jon EVERYTHING I said to you about him.
Him: What?
Me: Yeah, he told me.
Him: Look --
Me: --No, I can't trust you. I should've never have dated you in the first place, okay.
Him: Since when have you been talking to Jon, you said he was a creep!
Me: People deserve second chances.
Him: Him of all people, don't!
Me: I meant me.
Him: So you're dating him now?
Me: No! Well...sort of...some stuff happened...
Him: Do you love him?
Me: I can't love him. (long pause) I love you.
Him: I thought you hated me...
Me: I've tried so hard to, but I can't because no matter what I love you, And I hate myself everyday for it. I never stopped loving you because I always did.
Him: I'm sorry.
Me: No, I'm sorry I love you. I'm sorry I trusted you. I'm sorry I let you in. I'm sorry I ever met you. Just remember that when all of your piece of shit friends didn't give a crap about you, I was there for you no matter what and that I truly and honestly loved and still love you. It's your fault I don't want to be around you. It's your fault we don't talk anymore.
Him: Why can't we just start over?
Me: Because you'll just let me down again.
Him: That's not true!
Me: What have you done that can make me believe otherwise, huh?
Him: Can't you just give me a second chance?
Me: I won't go back to the self-loathing person I was 4 months ago. Not for you, you're not worth it.
Him: Ari, please-
Me: Go to hell.-
Him: Please don't hang up -
Me: Have a nice life asshole.