ASSIGNMENTS:
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Laura Stirewalt
Portland, Oregon USA
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REPORTS:
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Advice to Laura Stirewalt age 4
1. There are so many things that happened to you that you don't remember yet. When you were a toddler your sister Wendy use to stick you in a closet to keep you safe. On the other side of the door she was being molested by your cousin Terry. She doesn't dislike you she just hates her life and has a hard time dealing with what happened to her. I know you want to make her happy but living with the fact that you can't has to happen for you to move on. It is sad that she hurts so much, try not to fight back with her to much, she just needs to be angry.
2. Your dad blacked out on pills one day when he was watching you, later on you will remember this day so clearly, but you wont remember what it means since you where small, he left you in your high chair in the afternoon and you where stuck, you tried to get out but couldn't, you sat crying as the day turned to night, you could see the macramae owl on the wall next to the window, you finally knocked over your high chair and fell asleep breathing air from under the couch. Mostly it means that you will have an odd liking for the smell of musty air from under the couch and when people hold you too tight you want to run, get away, you get mad. These are all signs of PTSD, it's ok your not crazy, you will sort these things out later. People may not understand you, it's ok I promise, you will understand yourself eventually and understand what an amazing person you are for living through all this.
3. I don't know if you will comprehend this, your only 4 but the night that your mom calls your dad on the phone and says that she has swallowed enough pills to kill herself, that night when your dad tells you to go sit on the back porch with your brother while he goes and gets her, tell him no, tell him you want to stay in the house where it feels safer, or tell him that he should be an adult and have someone come take care off you. That he can call an ambulance for her and not to leave you and your brother out there.
4.ÊYou are an incredible artist, don't let that stuffy middle school teacher of yours tell you otherwise, you will make beautiful art.
5. When you are 20 and you find out that you are pregnant, it's ok I know it seems impossable but it's ok. You wont always be the best mom, you may leave your daughter and run away and be homeless for a while, but it's ok, when she becomes a teenager, when it is the most important you will be there and she will be the most inspiring presence in your life, she may be the very thing that makes you deside to live. Anyway you will pick a man that maybe you don't want to stay married to but he is very deppendable and is a great father he will hold up the fort till you come back around. Being homeless may seem scary but I promise you will meet some of the kindest and the most unjudgemental people that you have always dreamed about. You will find your heart on the streets so go for it. Mostly all I can tell you it not to change anything except how you feel about yourself, you are not crazy, you will be ok, you have a heart of gold, try not to worry to much. LOVE ME
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