ASSIGNMENTS:
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S.
Chicago, Illinois USA
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REPORTS:
PREVIOUS NEXT
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Sarah at 6:
1. Don't let dad discourage you from writing. You will ultimately never really give up the dream anyway.
Sarah at 12:
1. Stop being so concerned with dating already. None of the "relationships" your friends are having will matter in the future. Some of them don't even want them in the first place.
2. When Pauline stops talking to you and you ask Kerrianne why, don't take "You don't want to know" for an answer. Make her tell you. You will wonder why obsessively and then occasionally and then rarely [but you will still wonder] for years to come.
3. Keep drawing. Don't stop just because Rachel is better at it. You can both do it.
Sarah at 13:
1. It's okay to cry when Grandpa dies; death is sad. Just because you don't like to feel sad doesn't mean you should try to stop yourself. This will later be cited as a shining example of the way you were trained to repress.
Sarah at 16:
1. Don't get close to Shelly. The friendship won't last and she will go out of her way to make your life hell for an entire year.
2. When Susan tries to set you up, say no. She has terrible taste in men anyway and you only wanted a date because you thought you should have had one by then.
3. Tell the newspaper advisor what Antonio does to you. Or the counselor. Don't let everyone tell you it isn't a big deal. You will hate yourself and force yourself to forget until over a year later when you will explode into tears without knowing why.
4. Don't laugh in nervousness when boys touch you or talk to you in ways that make you uncomfortable. Say no. Mean it. Don't threaten to yell, just scream. You do not need these experiences to know how to assert yourself. You just have to trust yourself.
5. Quit band. You hate it, it's poorly structured and poorly funded, and someone will steal your $1000 clarinet next year anyway.
6. Do not start shopping at Hot Topic. That is a fashion misstep you just need to skip. The clothes are overpriced and rapidly out of vogue anyway.
7. Stop talking to Octavio. He isn't a good person, no matter what your friends say. You may consider him a friend, but he'll try to take things too far and you will start believing that this is the only caliber of person you can attract.
Sarah at 18:
1. Be grateful for Erin's encouragement to get help and move on. Don't confide in her too much. Do not confide in Phalon, either, for that matter. They do not know how to handle your depression and they will abandon you. It will be the beginning of your most intense loneliness.
2. Let yourself have fun at prom otherwise you will regret spending all the money it cost you to go.
3. Don't lie to Kim. She will never judge you.
4. Take the medication. You will always wonder how much it could have helped.
5. Force Enrique to be honest with you sooner. Or ever. Don't let him get away with keeping you in the dark about what he wanted from you.
6. Let your new friends in, especially Britt. Stop being afraid that they are just like the ones you'd had before. If you don't, you will never feel more alone for the entirety of your freshman year. Your depression will only get worse.
7. Stay in touch with Julie and Kim. They only could have helped. They wanted to hear from you, so don't be afraid to call.
Sarah at 19:
1. Do not go over to Jared's after the Of Montreal show and get drunk. He is only inviting you over to break your heart. Let him do it when you are sober. Make him tell you the truth.
2. Talk to Andrew after the second date: you aren't into him. You only make it worse by waiting. But don't feel bad when he gets upset. He turns out to be a douchebag anyway.
3. Be honest with her when she gets out of the hospital. Tell her you are worried. Tell her to get help. And that you love her. You will always be worried about it happening again. You are worried she is just like you before you had the tools to cope and start living again.
4. Get in contact with Kim over Christmas break. She will help you stop hating your parents for their failings that winter.
5. Call the health center back and get your test results. They won't remember to mail them to you and you will eventually get too lazy to ask about it and forget, but you won't stop wondering what was wrong with you.
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