ASSIGNMENTS:
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Suzie Q.
New York, New York USA
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REPORTS:
PREVIOUS NEXT
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Advice to Suzie, Age 12
1. That's a bad place to hide a diary.
2. "Teen" magazines are trying to trick you.
3. It's okay if you want to wear men's clothes. You're just figuring out who you are, and don't let their discomfort affect your path.
4. A good haircut won't make puberty any less difficult.
5. She's jealous of your willingness to be yourself. Don't worry, she'll be fat later.
Advice to Suzie, Age 15
1. You have curly hair! Learn to embrace it NOW.
2. Don't worry about the glasses, braces, and acne medicine. It'll be worth it when you're getting your closeup on primetime network tv in seven years.
3. Your school sucks. Read everything you can get your hands on, and don't stop.
4. Boys do find you attractive. The ones that are worth it are too afraid they'll screw something up, but they'll come around.
5. Enjoy being free of responsibility.
Advice to Suzie, Age 18
1. Go to college commitment-free: dump him, you idiot!
2. You are not less intelligent than the people in your freshman writing class.
3. Make other friends besides him. He doesn't stick around when things get tough.
4. You're about to learn that in New York, you have to make everything happen, and that includes a social life. Brace yourself.
5. Get help for your condition now.
Advice to Suzie, Age 22
1. No, don't!! Stay single!!
2. You're in better shape than most of your colleagues. Don't doubt that, but don't get too comfortable.
3. Get help for your condition before March. Grow up and just do it.
Advice to Suzie, yesterday
1. Start getting ready at noon.
2. When you get off the elevator, remember that you are every bit as important as all of them.
3. Cook the pasta for the full 12 minutes.
4. Just stop eating the Mallomars.
5. Don't wear your hair like that. It's really humid out.
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