ASSIGNMENTS:
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Modesty
Cambridge, Massachusetts USA
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REPORTS:
PREVIOUS NEXT
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Advice to Modesty, Age 14:
(1) Learn to be happy with the good friends you have, it's better to feel a little lonely than fill your life with friends who don't have the inner strength to stand by you in hard times, or even defend you to someone else. Learn to be comfortable by yourself. This goes double for how you relate to guys -- don't settle for any less than you want. Don't bother to assess if you are worth it or if he is likely to concede because then you will never be able to ask.
(2) A lot of the people in school you think of as elitist, clique-y, and obnoxious are really light-years ahead of you socially. There are nice and interesting people in there, decide who you want to be friends with and try.
(3) Decide what you want in a friend and then go after it, don't settle for just whoever is willing to be friends with you. If you want to talk to someone, it's easy, just tell her you like something she's wearing and ask her where she got it. Tell her why you like it. This works with guys, too.
(4) Be interesting! Well, you are interesting, but it doesn't show. People won't want to be friends with someone who just seems depressed all the time. I know you think there is something romantic and poetic about it, but it's actually a sign of your immaturity. You really don't have so much to be angry about, you are unusually smart and funny. You just expect people to know that without you having to show it to them. That's kinda stupid.
(5) Take dance classes, you are NOT fat, and you will be even skinnier once you are dancing all the time. You are a truly talented dancer, a natural, and it will make you feel free and happy.
(6) Learn to have a sense of humor, particularly about yourself. This lack is your most unappealing characteristic, and it is very unappealing. When you think people are making fun of you, usually they are just making a joke to be funny to anyone who will listen. If you laugh too, they will think you are cool. If you try to "ignore them" or get visibly upset, this will egg them on more. Learn to make fun of other people (who have a good sense of humor about themselves) the same way.
(7) In a year, a kid in history class, sitting front of you, will be annoying you through every class. Eventually you will lose your cool, climb over your desk and punch him in the middle of class. Don't wait to do it, just go for it when you first think of it. You will get off scot-free and everyone will laugh, and the kid will never bother you again.
(8) You and N will be friends for your entire life, but she will always be kind of a selfish bitch. You have so much history with her, and she is so smart and honest, you will not want to lose her friendship, so reconcile yourself to who she is and don't try to change her or want more than she can give. (By the way, the dream wedding she planned with you, she follows it to the letter, and you are her maid of honor and wear a beautiful gown.)
(9) College is lame, and not worth all your anxiety, pain, and suffering about getting in. You'll get into a "good" school, and they really aren't all that different from each other.
(10) As to your fantasies about adulthood and how you will be so relieved to have control over your life and be able to follow all your dreams. You're right!
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