ASSIGNMENTS:
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Alex Malmude
New York, New York USA
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REPORTS:
PREVIOUS NEXT
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Advice to Alex at 4
1. Tell your parents you want a baby brother or sister. Your mom is going to have an abortion this year because your parents' relationship can't stand any more financial or emotional strain, but maybe they would reconsider if you piped up. Being an only child will bring you an aching loneliness that you will try to ease with other kinds of relationships the rest of your life.
Advice to Alex at 6
2. Don't look at those dirty Blondie cartoons your spacey parents leave on the bookshelf, or the Chinese Tao of Loving book of Paintings. They will warp your mind.
3. Spend more time with Austin. She will leave your class next year, and there will be no more tomboys left to hang out with.
4. Don't say anything negative to your mom about the Habitat for Humanity apartment building in the lower east side that your parents are working on. They will attatch an undue weight to your opinion of the neighborhood and give up their place in a building more diverse and secure than where you will live later.
Advice to Alex at 8
5. Beg your parents to figure out a different joint custody deal. Going back and forth between houses every week will contribute to your feeling of instability and loss of control, and lead to too many emotional scenes at handing-off moments.
6. Don't watch TV even though you have one now. It will fill your brain with the names of cartoon characters and theme songs and sitcom livingrooms that you will never fully sweep out.
7. I know you're depressed, but don't wear a ponytail and a head band at the same time because it looks stupid. You have beautiful, wild hair right now, and it looks good when it's down.
Advice to Alex at 10
8. Tell your father that living close enough to your mom to facilitate weekly custody exchanges is not worth living with his alcoholic girlfriend. Tell him you won't mind living in Brooklyn. Tell him watching him live and argue with someone who he doesn't respect will damage you in ways that will become more manifested when you grow up. Tell him it isn't fair to put you in a mediating position, and you will have trouble later voicing your own needs in relationships because of it.
Advice to Alex at 15
9. Don't tell that first lie to him. It will only build on itself.
10. Don't let him convince you he's not with his old girlfriend anymore. You will bring it up 12 years later to him and realize it still hurts and you blame yourself for being so naive.
11. Now is a good time to start playing an instrument, any instrument.
Advice to Alex at 17
12. Nip your tendency to sexualize male friendships in the bud; Boys will value you MORE if they're NOT attracted to you at this point. Those are the boys you may befriend, not people who have ulterior motives. You already have a boyfriend, and it is not too late to fix things with him at this point, if you cut all that insecurity crap this year at college.
13. Try to have some more sexual experiences with girls. (But keep them to yourself.) You might not ever be in an environment with so many experimental opportunities again.
Advice to Alex at 21
14. Do NOT move back to New York City for him. Pick a place you are drawn to and take that chance. If he follows, that's fine, but you will regret sacrificing that freedom for this dysfunctional relationship when it has completely consumed all your momentum.
15. Don't go to Mexico with them. You are not doing it for any concrete goal, and Robin will not have your back when the relationship gets abusive.
Advice to Alex at 24
16. Either move to the farm with him right away, or say goodbye for a good long time. Don't put that decision off. He will fuck you over even more because you are not around, but still love him.
Advice to Alex at 26
17. It's not too late to get over all this. Keep trying.
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