ASSIGNMENTS:
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Lily
California, USA
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REPORTS:
PREVIOUS NEXT
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Advice to Lily at age 9
1. When you are nine or ten pay attention to when your father becomes drunk and then stay away from him or with others. Never be alone with him.
2. Don't let your father's alcoholism and sexual molesting go unnoticed. SAY something to someone. Maybe your mother will suddenly become strong and tells him to get lost. Even if it means that she will divorce him and you'll all be poor.Maybe someone will believe you and the bastard will have to leave.Concentrating all of your negative energy on him will only make you a sad and angry girl. Not all men are bad. Even if your favorite uncle stuck his tongue in your mouth when he gave you a congratulatory kiss at high school graduation. Your church going uncle with the girl cousin your age who you always envied because her dad was so nice to her. But don't let this make you think that all men deserve to suffer.
3. Just because you turn into a swan in high school does not mean that looks mean a thing. Watching men give you second and third looks was empowering but crushing them one after another was just a way to get back at your dad. It wasn't their fault. To purposely hold them in your power proved nothing. It did not make you mentally better. You caused a lot of pain all as a way of hurting all males.
4. Take piano. Sing. Write. Don't give up sports and exercise because it messes up your hair. Keep playing tennis and try out for the high school team. Run, stay in track. Try out for the school play even if your dad says no.
5. Study in high school, don't just slide. Be smart enough to get a scholarship to a good school. You've got the brains for it. Be proactive and don't let some stupid guidance counselor tell you where to go. Go to art school, a good one. Put together a strong portfolio in high school. Art is your passion; don't listen to anyone telling you to be a secretary!
6. Don't go volunteer your virginity to that stupid moron just to see what it is like. It was pointless and disappointing and you felt nothing. Wait until you love someone and he loves you back. You don't need to know at 18, it can wait. And don't hook up with anyone in college and get tied down to the whole idea of marrying instead of graduating. Study girl. Study hard. Smile more and be friendly. Not everyone is an idiot or if they seem to be don't judge them so harshly.
7. Don't have indiscriminate sex. The cheap thrills aren't worth it at all. Put off momentary pleasure for long term goals, just as you have told hundreds of your students.
8. Listen to your professors. Go to grad school. The world is opening up for women in many ways so go for it. Don't settle.
9. Tell grandma you love her like crazy and how important she was to you before she's gone. Now you can only hope she knows wherever she is. Tell your aunts the same thing and visit them more often. Don't let friends fade away; keep them close even if you are thousands of miles apart.
10. Take a little more acid in the 60's and be even more introspective. It will soon be illegal and very difficult to get. Stockpile, it doesn't eff up your kids or give you flash backs. That's hooey. But don't ever smoke tobacco. It will be hell to quit. Continue not drinking. Grind your own coffee beans earlier. Fresh coffee is a gift from the gods.
11. Buy real estate even if you think you can't afford it. Wait till you see the deals you passed up that would have made you rich. Buy Microsoft stock as soon as possible. Invest in Yahoo and Google.Be political and keep Bush out of office. Warn everyone about the Twin towers.Join the Unitarian church. Do Yoga daily.
12. Read even more. Be very discriminating when you are young and don't waste time reading crap.
13. Have more children. You were an excellent mother but next time marry someone who wants lots of kids and is a very good father. Have six or eight. Spend even more time playing with them and laughing about everything silly.
14. Don't marry someone just because of your heart...But have no regrets about that good man you did marry. He was a harsh and stern and sometimes mean dad but a good man. Try to understand him and never hurt him in the ways that you did. He doesn't deserve it and it wasn't worth it in any way.
15. Laugh even more; be less judgmental of all the people you meet. Smile more and don't dwell on your past. Be glad that your dad died at 43 and be glad that you never forgave him even though he asked for your forgiveness. He did nothing to earn it. And you didn't kill him with your focused pain. Or maybe you did but the world is better off for it.
16. Now just keep painting and enjoying your retirement and your gardening and your lovely grandchildren. Life is good. You made lots of stupid choices but in the end it has all worked out.Each day is a gift and a treasure.Take care of your health and think positive and look forward to dancing at your grandchildren's weddings and maybe even to holding your own great grandchildren in your arms. This life has seemed long but not long enough yet.
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