ASSIGNMENTS:
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Honey
Chicago, Illinois USA
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REPORTS:
PREVIOUS
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Advice to Honey at age 18:
Honey, you are beautiful. Okay, maybe not in that Giselle sort of way, but let's be honest; even Giselle isn't beautiful in that Giselle sort of way. Trying to change the way you look is not going to make your boyfriend stop raping you, or beating you, or make your family suddenly have money, or make your mom stop drinking all of the time. It's just not. And you're going to be so very unhappy in a year, when you weigh 68 pounds and can't go back to college and everyone remembers you as that girl who got anorexia and had to be institutionalized for four months. So please, honey, eat something. Something besides seven grapes. And for Christ's sake keep it down. You're not fooling anyone besides yourself.
While we're on the subject of things you should not do, please - chill the fuck out about college. Do what you want to do, not what your family wants you to do. So you got a full ride to a state school? That's great. It just proves that you are so much smarter than you ever, ever give yourself credit for, and that your intelligence is nothing you should ever play down or be ashamed of. But you know what? You're going to get accepted to every single school you apply to this year. Every one of them - even the ones on the East coast. What's more, they're all going to give you substantial scholarships to get you to go there. So what if everyone tells you that "you can't major in 'being a writer'". Once you get to college you'll find out that what everyone has ever told you has been wrong, that it doesn't matter, and that what makes you happy should be the bottom line. So honey, don't settle on that state school - the number one party school in the nation where you will be so, so miserable, especially because your boyfriend (the abusive rapist? Remember him?) will drop out of his school to follow you there and "keep an eye on you" - because you can do so much better if you only would believe in yourself.
Now, about this boyfriend. All those people who keep telling you what a "great catch" you have, and how "lucky" you are, and how you should make sure to "hold onto that one"? They have no idea what happens when the two of you are alone. The way he holds onto your wrists until your hands grow cold. The way your heart shrinks and your blood chills when you know he's angry at you for things like crying, or going out with your best friend without calling to check if it's alright with him first. The way you bruise on your hips and back and neck and want to scream but it catches in your throat and instead you just rock back and forth on your floor for hours at a time, shaking, shaking so much that you can hear your teeth inside of your head. You need to tell someone. You need to put a stop to this. You need to realize that things are in no way how they were when the two of you got together a year and a half ago, and they will not improve as you continue to date him for the next year and a half. Honey get out now. Get out, go on, and never, ever look back.
Please realize that so many people love you for exactly who you are. That you are intelligent, and witty, and talented, and fuck yes, you are pretty, braces and all (and chill out about the braces. You're going to have them for another two years so you might as well just get used to it). Please don't go down these paths, and try to get a few things together. Because it will haunt you for a long, long time, and make you miserable. You will lose years of college and you will lose years of life and you will lose friends and you will lose time. Things will work out in the end if you just trust yourself.
Please, honey. Just trust yourself.
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