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Advice I wish I had given myself 4 years ago.
1. Kill yourself. Nothing is ever going to get better. Do it now while the least amount of people are effected by it; make it look like an accident so that your family won't blame themselves. Sometimes I will stop hating you, but that is only temporary, and when you screw it up again I am going to hate you even more. Instead of coming home from Kingston, just disappear; this is the perfect time, when the least amount of people care. You will never have real friends who call you up and get you out. And when you actively try, they will only hurt you by ditching you for plans with their real friends. Forget about love, there will be two more times that you fall for women, but they will both break your heart, and the pain will not be worth the minuscule chance that someone actually likes you back, because no one will ever. No one will ever love you in anyway that will ever mean anything. You will never be a real person, so don't allow that to keep you pushing through. And, this isn't advice, but while I have you here, fuck you.
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