ASSIGNMENTS:
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Melody Claussen
Sacramento, California USA
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REPORTS:
PREVIOUS NEXT
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age 16:
1. You're sixteen and you think you know everything. You know nothing, especially about love. You think you love a guy named JT who will try to loosen the stronghold you have on your virginity. Don't let him pry you open. He will take everything and leave you empty.
age 19:
2. You're nineteen and for some reason, you didn't learn enough from your sixteen-year-old self. You think you're in love again. You rush everything: you rush to the bridal store and put a down payment on a wedding dress you can't afford after only knowing the guy for three months; you rush into physicality, your white dress is turning blue; you rush to the pharmacy and buy a pregnancy test; you rush to the conclusion that you can make it together forever even though you don't really know each other. You rush to the door after two years. Instead of slamming it, explain to JC why it can't work out instead of building an ice wall between the two of you and shooting fiery arrows over it aimed straight at his heart.
age 25:
3. You should've had your act together by the time you are twenty-five, but your neurotransmitters are still misfiring like rusty old spark plugs and your decision-making skills are impaired and you sign a custody agreement that will leave you maternally impotent. But at this time, it is the best thing for your son, so you agree to it. You feel an interminable about of guilt. Even though you see him on weekends and Wednesdays, you feel like you abandoned your son like your mother abandoned you. You feel like a failure. Try to focus on the positives: Your son is healthy, happy and surprisingly well-adjusted for a kid that was cut in half.
4. Your roaring twenties is a period of mania and self-flagellation. You purposely chose dead-ends; relationships that you know can't progress into anything substantial. Stay friends (and only friends) with PB, LF and JN. They don't complement you, but they have something most don't. You're not ready for a relationship anyway. You don't think you deserve a happy ending. Learn to forgive yourself for the mistakes you've made earlier. Ten years is a long time to beat yourself up and it's hard to think you're pretty when you're all black and blue.
5. You've made it to your late twenties and the tumult has subsided. You finally finish school. You meet someone (RF) you've known all along who is everything you never knew you wanted. You're ready this time. You feel a contentment that you've never experienced before. You get married. You have another child. You sketch a blueprint of a life together. It's beautiful. It's etched in stone. Don't bat an eye. Don't move a muscle. Don't change a thing.
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