ASSIGNMENTS:
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Jennifer Blake
Durham, North Carolina USA
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REPORTS:
PREVIOUS NEXT
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Advice to Jennifer Blake at age eleven:
1. Do not tell that lie to Kristen about having tickets to the New Kids on the Block concert. Or, if you do, don't promise her a ticket, AND at least find out what songs played when. Otherwise you will experience total humiliation in front of the entire fifth grade and shape the course of the next three years.
2. When your mother suggests going on a 3 day diet in which you can lose ten pounds, tell her that diets like that don't work. Further, if she keeps this up, she is going to cause you to have severe body dysmorphia as well as several eating disorders.
3. That doesn't mean, however, that you should keep eating pizza at midnight. Stop doing that immediately. Do not eat your emotions.
4. In fact, get a hobby. Reading is fine, but you need to get involved. Find a sport you like and stick with it. Exercise is your friend. Or join the community theatre.
5. When Janie Puslee comes over and asks to play Barbies' with you tell her that you are busy. Find someone else to play with. This girl is toxic to your emotional health.
6. When the girls in gym class ask you if you are a virgin, don't try to be cool, and definitely don't ask them what a virgin is. Answer yes, and then go home and ask Mom what it is.
7. Do not hide that twenty dollar bill in your brother's dresser and claim he stole it - it might seem like good revenge at the moment but the guilt will eat you alive. And so will Mom and Dad. You will overhear them wonder if they raised a 'bad seed' and these words will haunt you for the rest of your life.
8. For that matter, be nicer to your brother - try to forge a bond with him now before it's too late.
9. Make sure to shred any notes you might decide to write during school - especially any notes that you wouldn't want, oh say, your PRIEST to see. Or the principal of your Christian school. Or your mother.
10. When you move to Nana's and your best friend writes you a letter, do not write back an entirely fictional account of your new life in Connecticut, in which you wear black leather mini-skirts and mascara. Because your best friend might accidentally leave it where her mother could read it, and then your mother will find out, and then she'll call Nana, and then Nana will - oh sheesh. Just don't do it ok? In fact, quit with the lying thing. It's ruining your life.
11. When your best friend's family comes to stay with you for a few days and she wants your new bracelet-- just give it to her. After this, you'll never see her again. At least she'll always have that to remember you by.
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