ASSIGNMENTS:
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Claire Beaudreault
Morgantown, West Virginia USA
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REPORTS:
PREVIOUS NEXT
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Me: Hello?
Mysterious Voice: Hello, Claire.
Me: Hello....?
MV: So I have two options for you.
Me: Who is this?
MV: Option number one: you will become a huge huge huge art star, bi-coastal between NYC and Portland. Don't worry about money, everything will be provided, and we will supply you with a small dog of your choice, like that Dachshund-Chihuahua mix you've been dreaming about. And this is the best part; TIME will be unlimited and controllable by you. So you can actually get things done for a change.
Me: Ohhhh kay.
MV: You will do great work, and be respected, and it won't be crap, either. It will help people and make them feel better about themselves and their situations.
Me: Ohhhh kay.....
(pause)
Me: What is the second option?
MV: An apparition of the Virgin Mary will appear to you. She will tell you a secret, a secret to the universe, like the kids in Medjugorje, or like Bernadette Soubirous in Lourdes. Maybe if you're lucky, you'll receive the stigmata, die in a couple of years, and be beatified by the Pope. What do you think?
Me: This should be an obvious one, right?
MV: Not necessarily.
Me: If I choose the first one, am I going to hell?
MV: Not necessarily.
Me: Can I call you back in a little bit?
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