ASSIGNMENTS:
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Anonymous
Los Angeles, California USA
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REPORTS:
PREVIOUS NEXT
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Me: Hello?
AA: Hi Papa, it's me.
Me: Hello?
AA: Don't you remember me anymore?
Me: Yes. I just hated it when you'd call me Papa. It was kind of creepy.
AA: Okay. I'm sorry.
Me: Why are you calling me?
AA: I wanted to let you know that I've been thinking about you.
Me: Okay.
AA: I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry that things worked out the way they did.
Me: Okay.
AA: I shouldn't have left you for that other guy. I was really stupid.
Me: Uh-huh.
AA: Actually, I'm only a child. I have the attention span of a housefly. A housefly that always has a raging hard-on.
Me: That's true.
AA: I want to get back together.
Me: You know, life is a lot easier if I don't have to think about you. I've taken too many chances with you. I love you. I really do. But you do nothing but hurt me.
AA: I'm really sorry. The boy I left you for is boring. He's really ugly and is a bad lover. I wish we could be together again.
Me: You have to take responsibility for what you've done. I'm not just going to keep taking you back. At some point I have to stop following my heart and start listening to my head. And my head tells me you're an asshole.
AA: I'm selfish too.
Me: Oh, yeah.
AA: Well, if we aren't going to get back together then I'm going to move to the Nepalese highlands and become a hermit. That way you'll never have to worry about hearing from me again and I won't be able to break any more hearts.
Me: Really?
AA: Totally.
Me: (silence)
AA: Hello?
Me: Um.
AA: Yes?
Me: Well, bring a jacket.
(click)
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