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These scars, there's one almost exactly the same on my left arm, will soon be gone. And I will be glad they do. I got them about two, three weeks ago when I was in work, and trying to avoid my fingers to get sore, I was carrying some sort of ice blocks with my arms instead. It didn't hurt at all, and just after I'd put the ice blocks down there was no pain, just the kind of marks you get from sleeping on curly sheets. But deeper. Then it transformed into something that looked like blisters, like I'd been burnt. And it started to itch but that was ok. The thing that made me anxious was the look of it. It did look too much like I'd tried to hurt myself on purpose, with something sharp. I was playing games in my mind whilst I was serving guests, how would I feel if I'd actually done it? What would happen? And what do people think of me when they see these arms giving them their plates of food? And why, if they think something, don't they say a word?
I went to Stockholm to visit friends and no one asked anything. But I was afraid they might think, they might have opinions about it like, wait, is K depressed? Or God that's such a silly teenage thing to do! They might start to dislike me for what I had done! That I had not done! I tried to explain it to a friend when we got home drunk, but they way it sounded was just stupid! "Hey, see these scars? Don't worry I've not done it on purpose. See, I was carrying some ice blocks and..." etc. False. My friend just looked a little surprised and confused. Since then I've been quiet. I wore plasters and said nothing and no one asked. And they're soon gone. Weird. Was she just trying to attention?
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