ASSIGNMENTS:
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Omar
San Francisco, California USA
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REPORTS:
PREVIOUS NEXT
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Advice to Omar at age 16
1. When you cross the street with your bike on Orlando and Melrose, look to the left BEFORE crossing. In fact, apply this rule to all intersections that you happen to cross, whether you have a bike with you or not -- but it's especially important that you remember what I'm telling you about Orlando and Melrose.
2. The answer to "Do you want to keep this job?" is not "Fuck you, asswipe" even if the night manager of the frozen yogurt shop is a coke-snorting douchebag who forces you to listen to his shitty Sunset Strip glam band over and over for the duration of your shift. Also, don't tell him that his band sucks donkey balls.
3. She likes you. Seriously. Learning to take a hint at about this age would be a good idea.
Advice to Omar at age 18
1. Don't make out with your roommate and especially not AGAIN, nine months later when she has a boyfriend. He won't punch you in the face or anything, you'll just feel really bad and question the content of your character for a couple of years. Not worth it.
2. Forget about the moody goth girl. You're not really in love with her. She's an idiot and so are you. Also, you'll sleep with her about ten years from now after a random run-in at a bar and it won't be any good.
3. Keep playing the guitar. You won't really get much better but you will start a band anyway and have a lot of fun. Actually, you should practice more now and maybe start another band sooner so that, later, your songs won't suck as much. No guarantees, though.
Advice to Omar at age 23
1. The people around you don't hate you; they just envy your youth. You won't know this until later, when you empathize with them more than you thought you ever could. Also, the women in their mid-30s have crushes on you. You'll find this out later, when they turn 40.
2. The fact that you really love making flyers and posters for shows means something. I won't tell you what exactly, but mull that over.
3. Break up with your girlfriend. This is about the time it all goes awry, anyhow. Be a sport and give her back a year or so of her life.
Advice to Omar at age 30
1. I know, it feels like art school was a mistake. But it wasn't. The mountain of debt you're in is not insurmountable.
2. This is important: your ex-girlfriend is going to ask you to feed her cats while she is out of town. Don't wait until late Sunday night to drive over there and, whatever you do, DO NOT sleep there, no matter how tired you are.
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